.....from Barry's Bunker.....
(with thanks to Harry The Cat)
Two nuns are driving home one dark and stormy night when suddenly, WHAM!, A vampire lands right on the hood of their car.
His eyes are gleaming yellow, and his razor-sharp fangs dripping with blood. The nun who is driving screams to the other "SHOW HIM YOUR CROSS!" so the other nun leans out the window and yells "GET THE F*** OFF OUR WINDSHIELD!"
After dinner one evening a rancher's wife was entertaining their house guest by playing the piano. At one point she turned to the visitor and said, "I understand you love music." "Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But never you mind. Keep right on playing."
Passing by the primate area one day, a zoo attendant happens to notice a chimpanzee sitting on a rock with an open book in either hand, looking first at one and then at the other. Upon closer examination, he identifies the books: the Bible, and Darwin's "Origin of Species." Curious, he asks the chimp, "What's with the books?" The chimp replies, "I'm trying to decide whether I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."