.....from Barry's Bunker.....
(with thanks to Harry The Cat)
Why is Life so complicated??
I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." ...so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. ...I think I've forgotten this before!!
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. ...so I had to buy them again.
I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!!!!!!!!
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. ...every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Leave the friggen switch alone already!"
I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. ...now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly, and says, "Here, you can go."
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honor, ...who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
I was trying to day dream, but my mind kept wandering.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."